Salt

I was doing pretty well until about an hour ago. Now I'm feeling sad and angry, and am craving a cigarette.

The tiniest little trigger - my mother put salt on my dinner, even though I've been asking her for a year not to put salt on my food when she makes dinner. I managed to stay calm and just say I won't be eating it, and make my own dinner instead. Inside though, I was swirling with emotion.

Smoking would stuff down those feelings. Short term it'd work, long term it hasn't been great.

I know I want to feel again, to be alive and real, and not have to smoke my feelings down. However, sometimes I think I'm being given a dragster racer of emotion, when all I can handle at the moment is a push bike.