Hell 4 Hours

11 PM
Sitting on the balcony of the Red Lion Hotel, Sydney, with my friend R, second beer in hand, I chose to go buy a pack of cigarettes. I return and smoke seven, and destroy the rest.

5 PM
Flight leaves Sydney Airport for Brisbane. Weather in Brisbane is reported to be very bad, with a huge storm raging.

6.30PM
The pilot inches down the plane through the wild horses turbulence, to attempt a landing. Suddenly the plane rapidly lifts up and over the runway back to the skies.

"Sorry about that Ladies and Gentlemen. Due to the weather, we couldn't quite see the runway. We will be circling round and attempting another landing. We're also investigating other airports nearby."

7 PM
Second attempt. The plan inches down again. Half the passengers on the plane begin to throw up. The other half attempt to keep it in as the stench of the vomit circulates around the cabin. One man collapses - I think a heart attack, but maybe he just fainted.

Normally, when I fly, I get on the plane, fall asleep regardless of what's happening, and then wake up when it's time to disembark. This time, I am in sheer terror. I don't care if we crash. I just want to have solid ground under my feet. My body appears to have a whole life of its own. It's riddled with fear, and actually feels like its turning reptilian green. I keep centering myself with breath and meditation.

I can see the ground through the window and through the rain. Almost there.

Suddenly, the plane rapidly lifts up, leaving my stomach and hope behind.

7.15 PM
Brisbane airport closes, as do all nearby airports. We head back to Sydney.

9 PM
Arrive at Sydney. Eventually they inform us that there won't be any more flights tonight, and book us onto flights for the next day. No accommodation is provided, since the weather is not the airline's fault. It's Mardi Gras in Sydney - all the hotels are booked.

I have two friends in Sydney. I call up K. She switches off her phone without answering, and I leave a message. Phone another friend of mine. He's making diner and invites me over.

The Raging Goddess
In the midst of the storm, I wondered. Suppose this storm is not just about a weather system. Suppose, just for a moment, that it's a message from the Goddess. Why is she sending me back to Sydney? She must want me to speak to K again. I had originally thought about staying in town anyway and meeting up with K; but had chosen not to since it was all so ambiguous. Maybe the Goddess was driving me back.

Turned out to be a great evening with R. He's an old school friend doing the working holiday tour of the world. I'm persuading him to stay in Sydney for longer, for the purely selfish reason that I have another friend there. Perhaps this is where the Goddess wanted me to be, and it has nothing to do with K.

Musing further, the whole experience has grounded me. It was a taste of my own death, and I'm feeling more alive and awake. I'm back to day 2 of my quit smoking, and quite frankly, I'm OK with that.