Advice to a woman on spotting a player

Once more I find myself dispensing advice, which perhaps I should be prescribing to myself.

How do I spot a player?

There are four things I advise you to do.

1) Be ready at any moment to walk away. Ultimately a player relies on doing things "just at the edge". Underneath any manipulation is the exploitation of our fear of being alone. Become comfortable and full in yourself to the extent that if there was no one else ever, you would still find happiness and fulfillment in your life. I don't assume this is an easy place to reach, but the more you strive for it, the less susceptible you will be to players.

Balance this with knowing that sometimes walking away is not just for your own good, but also for his. Players continue to be players if they keep wining. It's only when they lose that they change. Even whilst you give your fullest devotion and love in a relationship, be open to the possibility that walking away could be the most loving thing for you to do.

2) Pay very close attention to how accountable the man is to his commitments. Does he turn up when he says he's going to turn up. Does he do what he says and does he say what he does? Expect failure: Most men will not succeed at such standards of integrity. So, do not judge his accountability outright. Simply bring the FACTS of the matter to his attention. E "Hi, wonderful to see you darling. I note you said you'd be here at 7 PM, and it's now 7.30 PM." and see how he reacts. If he continually makes excuses, charms you, starts to blame others, or even blames you - GET OUT.

You deserve a man of integrity who keeps his promises. You deserve impeccability in this matter. A man who cannot keep simple promises is unlikely to keep the big ones.

3) Find a group of mostly women that you trust and seek their advice. On a regular basis. Include in this group women who you aspire to be like, and women who are very different from you but who have wisdom and experience that you respect. Learn to augment your own innate wisdom with their objectivity and experience. If you find yourself doubting their advice, remind yourself that you have specifically chosen these women because you trust them.

4) ALWAYS, no matter what happens, trust your deepest intuition. Even if right now it seems that your intuition was wrong, I think you'll find if you wait enough time you'll see the greater wisdom. Trust the signals your body sends you. Act on them, even if they seem crazy. Your intuition will reward you for your ongoing trust by becoming sharper as time passes.

Seems like it takes one to spot one.