If all else fails - love

In Sydney on business last night, I visited the men's group that I hope to join when I move here permanently. It looks like it's going to work well. They're new to some of this work but the commitment and passion is high.

I facilitated about three processes, including one that really touched my heart. The man has been wanting for months to tell his parents that he loves them, and has struggled with this. His fear is that he would look foolish, though I suspect it goes deeper than that. He played "yes but" to all our suggestions, and in the end we put him in the centre of the circle, placed a hand on his heart, and told him that we loved him. He told us in turn one by one that he loved us. And he looked in a mirror and loved himself.

As another man quipped: If all else fails, simply love the man.

I'd texted RCG to let her know that I'd be late back and would call her at 10.30. When I called she was out driving round Mackay, and said she'd call back in half an hour. She didn't call in that time, and I sent her a text message saying "Sweet Dreams". She called straight back and we spoke for a short time.

I didn't get to say that I was sad, lonely in the hotel room on my own, tired and craving a cigarette, and I wanted some love from her. I was angry when she didn't seem so keen to talk as me, and I let it go.

In these last few years I've learned to love myself and not to need it from others and also to allow myself to receive love when it is given. It looks like being in love with RCG is triggering me to fall back to a place of needing love, and it's tempting to start that crazy game of "you don't love me as much as I need you to". Hence the interaction last night.

I take responsibility for loving my little boy, alone in a big city, missing his mother.

Text message from her this morning: "Morning that boy. Oops, I mean wonderful man. ;) "