Day 18 - Love

A Q-Buddy writes:

I'm concerned, though, that you may be setting yourself up for a tough predicament when you have to leave in 7 weeks. If you've honestly traded one addiction for another (cigarettes for your lover) then what happens when you have neither in a few weeks?

I know I joke around saying I've traded one addiction for another, and there is some truth in that. I constantly think about her, and yearn to have her - and that's not so different from nicotine.

For me, the big difference is that smoking is definitely selfish - it is all about satisfying my short term need for a drug fix; whereas love is all about giving. I feel love most when I'm giving it to another. And whilst I do get fulfillment from the love I receive back from her, I feel most fulfilled when I am loving her with all the intensity and passion I have.

Even if I do lose my lover in 7 weeks (which may not happen, we've started to plan meeting up after I move), I will not have lost my capacity to love. In fact, I am with her now because she is deepening my capacity to love in her own unique way; and once I get through the pain, even a break up can deepen my capacity to love. I don't believe we can ever lose our capacity to love.