Day 2 - Freedom

From a Qmail to Mayim8...

[...]

Answering the question "Where are you from?" has never been easy for me. Not knowing where I'm from makes it difficult for me to understand who I am; but it also gives me the freedom to chose who I want to be.

That's another big part of my quit. I hate how smoking restricted my choices and my freedom. The 20-minute craving ruled my life like a whip.

Part of being honest with myself is recognising that I have grown to rely on that whip. That some part of me enjoyed the structure it gave me, and also enjoyed being whipped.

They say that sometimes it is cruel rather than considerate to release a domesticated animal into the wilds, because although it now has its freedom, it may not have learned the means to survive. Freedom becomes death.

That's where the ‘feeling my emotions’ part comes in. I imagine that those who have not smoked have learned how to survive in the wilds of emotion, whilst I have learned how to live in a cage of suppression - all safe and cosy.... and slowly but surely dying.

Quitting then becomes a choice for life, in more ways than just the well-known (and yet entirely ineffective) warnings about the physical health risks of smoking.

More than wanting to live, I want to live FULLY alive to all that life brings.